Today I was woken up at 3am by my husband. He was in pain. A kidney stone had blocked the ureter causing him extreme discomfort. I gave him an injection of a painkiller. He slept for an hour and again the pain was back. So we thought of him getting admitted in the hospital. It was then my nightmare started. As I packed his stuff , he was writhing in pain. It was scary looking at him helpless. A tall well built man, he is always in charge of every situation. But seeing him so dependent made me extremely uncomfortable. As we sat in the car, staring out if the window I could see various visions of life, life which others were leading and I had lead. Life which others were leading and I would lead.
Mothers happily playing with their children.
School going kids,full of life. All crowding at an ice cream shop and completely unaware of what was going around them.
Then there were young boys and girls hanging out together. There was romance in the air around them.
From across the road I could see married couples arguing.
There were bored shopkeepers living the mundane existence.
An old man limped in front of our car. Quickly I applied the brakes, barely missing him.
And then there was me. Stuck in a strange situation at yet another stage in life. Where had the playfulness of childhood gone. When did we stop being romantic. What happened to all those years of marriage. What I could see was my future in the old man . A shudder went down my spine. We live our lives mechanically, without pausing to enjoy the moments. without taking out a minute to stand and stare. When the glorious years of youth go by and the twilight years come, we are busy in our daily grind. We never stop to smell a flower. Look at a rainbow or breathe in the scent of wet earth.
My rigamarole did not end there. Getting my husband admitted in the hospital was another nightmare. As I walked the perfectly panelled corridors of the hospital all I could see was illness, debility and old age. Obviously, it was a hospital and that was what I was supposed to see. But when all is good and we are busy in our lives , not once this vision crosses our mind. So much is going around in the world around us and do we bother?
We cannot avoid this reality of life ,but we can at least be a part of lives of others who need us.
Make a pledge to help the old,care for the ill and be a support to the infirm. All of us at some point of time will go into a state of decrepitude. So prepare yourself for the inevitable. Its better that way.
Nothing lasts forever.
“What is this life if full of care; we have no time to stand and stare.” These famous lines from the poem Leisure by W H Davis sum up my attitude towards life.
BE HAPPY ALWAYS
P.S. The husband has a surgery today.I write this sitting outside his room as the doctors examine him.
Hope everything turns out fine.